Chapter 13: Decision to Write a Book

Today is our last day in Rome, the seat of authority of our Church. I wonder how many others before me have arrived here with high hopes, with a vision of the future of our Church, only to have their expectations stifled, since there appears to be no way to have them heard.

My Lord and my God, I give You all praise and glory. Oh, how good it is to pick up this pen and communicate with You! While doing so I become aware of Your presence and, with the greatest expectation, await Your Word. Your lines of communication are ever open to me.

As You well know, Father, this lapse of time in my writing has been necessitated by my need to amass and review what I have thus far recorded. It is necessary that I send a small quantity of material to Aaron so that he can determine whether it is suitable to be published. This is his area of expertise, about which I know nothing.

In the beginning I never dreamed that my desire to write would lead to this! But You, Lord, have led me, taken me by the hand and here we are! As for the possibility of my work being published? At times I have a tendency to shy away from the very thought, as I hesitate to disclose to others my private moments with You. Yet when such thoughts prompt me to back away, I resist, because I realize that many people can be spiritually enriched and encouraged through my writing. Then again, I am also well aware that there will be others who, in their blindness, will ridicule me. Yet, Lord, if it is Your will that I reveal my experiences, I do know You will see to it.

But, Lord, it seems as if a sense of my own inadequacy is always getting in the way of my doing Your work. To dispel these doubts, early this morning I prayed with great fervor, asking You to show me if writing a book was the way You wanted me to go. Consequently, I was uplifted and encouraged when I opened my bible and Your Word revealed that I was taking the proper road:

Matt. 25:14-30,
It is like a man on his way abroad who summoned his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to a third one; each in proportion to his ability. Then he set out. The man who had received the five talents promptly went and traded with them and made five more. The man who had received two made two more in the same way. But the man who had received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money. Now a long time after, the master of those servants came back and went through his accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents came forward bringing five more.

“Sir,” he said “you entrusted me with five talents; here are five more that I have made.” His master said to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you have shown you could be faithful in small things, I will trust you with greater; come and join in your master’s happiness.”

Next the man with the two talents came forward. “Sir,” he said, “you entrusted me with two talents; here are two more that I have made.” His master said to him. “Well done, good and faithful servant, you have shown you could be faithful in small things, I will trust you with greater; come and join in your master’s happiness.”

Last came forward the man who had one talent. “Sir,” he said, “I heard you were a hard man, reaping where you had not sown and gathering where you had not scattered; so I was afraid, and went off and hid your talent in the ground. Here it is; it was yours, you have it back.”

But his master answered him, “You wicked and lazy servant! So you knew that I reap where I had not sown and gather where I had not scattered? Well then, you should have deposited my money with the bankers and on my return I would have received my capital with interest. So now, take the talent from him and give it to the man who had the ten talents. For to everyone who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough; but from the man who had not, even what he has will be taken away. As for this good for nothing servant, throw him out into the dark, where there will be weeping and grinding of teeth.”

Lord, while reflecting upon that reading, I am filled with gratitude. I know You have been generous with me; You have blessed me with Your activity in my life. For the moment, please bear with me while I dream of the fulfillment that would be realized in seeing Your People benefit from reading the book I will write.

It is my hope that through the book people will realize that the same relationship I share with You is available to every last one of them, for only then will the talents You have entrusted to me bear fruit. O Lord, it is so good to be once again writing in Your company! I have not been able to do so recently, as I’ve sensed a need to hurry and prepare some material to present to my brother Aaron. But today Lisa will mail some completed pages to Aaron, and perhaps that seed will bear fruit.

Lord, let me ask, where are You taking this coal miner’s daughter with her bumpy fingers and limited education? Wherever it is, I do trust You. I am childlike enough to believe You have communicated wisdom and knowledge to individuals throughout history, and you do so even today, even to the likes of me. Most of all Lord, I thank You for the perception that is mine, that I am occupying a peaceful place, one You have allotted me within Yourself, for when I close my eyes I am able to perceive Your Encompassment.

O Lord, hello, I give You all praise and glory. There is a desire in my heart to address You with a grander, more befitting title, yet I know none are needed. You are able to comprehend my every thought and desire. There is need for me only to pause and rest in You in order to become surrounded by the invisible cloudlike blanket that is Your love. O my Lord, what security and pleasure there is to be found in You! It affords great joy–like hearing music in the sound of a bird singing, like being certain that our birth and life are but a temporary state, that our true home is not here, but with You. Yet we are comforted in the knowledge that in this life we are able to have moments of grace such as these, and also in knowing that in the time of our existence, every task and situation is filled with purpose. As a result we have a responsibility to bring our lives to a successful conclusion.

Oh my, the wisdom of God! He knows our worst enemy is ourselves. Consequently, to enable relationship with Him He sent His Son Jesus, that we might be guaranteed forgiveness of our sins. We, all of us, have committed sin in our lifetime, and if we were not assured of being forgiven, our sin and subsequent guilt would block us from relationship with God. Our sense of shame would drive us away from Him. Like Adam and Eve we would hide, being deprived of the bliss and the healing power of His company. As it is, the actual cleansing and knowledge of God’s forgiveness rids us not only of the sin itself but also of those nagging feelings of guilt. Then, unbound, we are freed to engage in a personal relationship with God. We are free to bring our journey of life to a successful conclusion.